Portfolio Summary

When I was registering for this class, I was really looking forward to it. I considered myself to be a fairly socially informed individual. I expected it to be very interesting and I expected to have a very positive experience. While both of those things are true, this class has pushed me so much more than I expected it would.

Being challenged is not the most exhilarating or pleasant process, but it stretches us in important ways. Sometimes the disruptions we experience don't ultimately change our stance on every issue. I think that can be healthy because you can't change your opinion to match every article you read. That would be insane. However, progress cannot be measured only by stance changes. Another extremely important factor of progress is true consideration. I think this class taught me what it really means to truly consider an idea. I used to think that to consider an idea was fairly simple and easy. However, in this class, we had to take a lot of time to examine our disruptions and consider the benefits and costs of the ideas causing our disruptions. I had to sit down and think about who these ideas affected and how. I had to think of their consequences in classrooms and communities. I had to truly consider my attitudes and their influence on my teaching and my societal role. That's powerful. I'll be discussing some of the most important moments of consideration throughout this semester.

Where are you from? I had a discussion with my sister about this sometime this past year. People who are asked that hate to be asked that repeatedly. I could understand. Who wants to be asked, "Where are you from?" and then asked, "No. But where are you from?" As if their first answer wasn't valid. While I have done that once in my life, back when I was a lot younger and more ignorant, I haven't asked that second question in years. So I felt like I was ok. I just take the answer that someone gives me. I also ask pretty much everyone I meet the same question. So I figured that there was no problem in my asking someone where they were from. However, in this class, I read about people who were annoyed with just the first question because it had led to the second question so often. It was hard for me to accept that sometimes my words, while having one intent, are received differently. Sometimes the things I say, though meant to be harmless can be perceived as rude and ignorant. I had a hard time accepting that I needed to be more conscious of the impact my words had and sometimes not ask a question that I thought interesting, but ultimately made little to no difference. It would've been easy to say, "How they perceive my question is their problem." But that's just shirking personal responsibility for my own words.

But don't #alllivesmatter? The #blacklivesmatter campaign was something I was definitely getting behind. However, when people started coming back with #alllivesmatter, I was a little bit torn. Of course all lives matter. Right? They have a point there. If all lives matter, why should we just focus on #blacklivesmatter? I couldn't really make sense of this until I was in this class. Yes. All lives matter. However, there are people out there who think that black lives matter less. It's a surprisingly strong trend across the nation. The change that is needed is to value black lives more. Some people, including myself at one point, feel that this campaign is a dismissal of their lives because they're not black. I had to muster some humility and courage to consider that idea in full.

But I'm not consciously racist. When I was reading about the Implicit Association Test, I was surprised and pretty upset. I did NOT want to admit to myself that I could have deep-rooted racism that I didn't even realize was there. Later in the semester, I had the opportunity to take an IAT. It was interesting because it asked questions about how racist you thought you were. Because I had read about the IAT before, I cringed as I answered how racist I really thought I was. I tried to answer those questions factoring in my subconscious thought processes. What the test told me was fairly consistent with what I had anticipated, but it was a bit scathing to process that. However, I thought that it was notable that my perceptions of my own racism, even subconsciously, were much more accurate than they would've been before this semester. I would've had a much harder time accepting that evaluation before I had read about the IAT.

America gives everyone the same opportunity to make something of themselves. I really believed this was true. It's not completely untrue. But what is untrue is the idea that all people have the same opportunities. That's simply wrong. Social and cultural capital play a huge role in the opportunities that people are presented with. Speaking the language of power (i.e. academic English) is an asset that is irreplaceable. There is no substitute if you want to get ahead, especially in the business world. I think that it was so hard for me to accept this because I was advantaged in so many ways. To say that my position is not truly due to my merit seems to discount my merits. In reality, though, it's just putting my merits in context so that my achievements can be considered in context as well. All people have context that is so important. When we discount that context, we are discounting aspects of that person. Assuming everyone has the same opportunities is equality. Helping people by taking their opportunities into account is equity.

Disabled students should all be in the same class to meet needs better. While this isn't entirely without merit, I think it should be noted that the term "disabled" is an umbrella for countless different situations that are so nuanced and complicated. Just putting them in a class together does not guarantee that their needs will be met appropriately. Also, who is to say their needs cannot be met in a "normal" classroom. Something that was so hard for me about this lesson was the arbitrary definition of "disabled." There are so many different people who learn at different paces and in different ways, why are they not considered disabled? Why do people who vary just a bit more considered disabled? Who made that distinction? That challenged me so much. It has caused me to challenge those labels so much more.

Schools are safe places for all students. This is not always true and it breaks my heart. Especially in the lessons on gender and sexuality, it was very upsetting that some of these students felt like they were in physical danger because they did not conform to gender stereotypes. I never felt physically unsafe and it was hard for me to imagine that some people did. But I have to accept that it's a reality so that I can work to make at least my classroom a safe place. I have to take these things into consideration.

Accepting homosexuality is enough. This was one of the biggest disruptions for me throughout the semester. Religiously, there are things that I have learned and been taught that make homosexuality a hard topic for me to deal with. The Riddle scale was particularly hard for me to evaluate myself by. Looking at my perceptions and attitudes in relation to that scale took some hard thinking. However, it was good for me to look into my motivation and reasoning behind my opinions. While I haven't completely changed my stance on everything, I have become so much more open to an positive about homosexual or queer people. That change has helped me a lot and investigating my disruptions and my motivation has helped me reconcile my religious beliefs with desire to teach for social justice. I don't have to discount my religious beliefs to accept that the LGBTQ people deserve the right to live their lives as they see best. I can't expect them to live their lives how I feel is best. That is not fair. I should support them in helping them achieve their goals.

This semester, this class, really has pushed me so much more than I anticipated it would. It was a hard experience, but it was incredibly rewarding to see myself grow not just more open-minded, but also more confident in the things that I think are important. I have learned the power of honest self examination. I have also come to appreciate the position of power that I will be in as a teacher. I have a considerable responsibility to help create a community of equity and respect.

Re-Imagined Classroom

For my re-imagined classroom, I don't think I'd change anything about the resources that are available or how my classroom is laid out. If I have a class where there are multiple students who speak the same native language, I would have them sit together so that they can do group work in their native tongue. I would expect them to help each other and translate for each other as necessary so that I can understand what they are doing.

One of the biggest things that I wanted to change about my what I display on the walls is the display of a rainbow. I want my students to definitely know that this is a safe place for them, regardless of their sexual orientation, gender expression, or gender assigned at birth. I want my classroom to be a community that is safe. To do that, I will need to make sure that the norms and expectations that I have set up are as such.

That is complicated when it comes to students from other cultures, or who don't speak English very well. I think that discussing what it means to be respectful is important so that the students know what I am meaning when I ask them to be respectful. In the case of students with language barriers, I would highly consider having a conference with their parents and an interpreter so that we can all be on the same page. I will do my best to understand where they are coming from and be value-informed regarding their culture.

Assessment is difficult because I understand math through English. Nuances in English words give nuances to my mathematical understanding. As a teacher, I will have to make sure that I am speaking simply and working to not rely on those nuances in my language that I'm not familiar with in their language.

Book Club

For my book club, I read The New Kids: Big Dreams and brave Journeys at a High School for Immigrant Teens by Brooke Hauser. It's a beautiful narrative of the lives of students and teachers at an international high school in New York. This whole book had a lot of important and difficult issues that it dealt with. These students have incredible stories about how they got to America and how they are trying to make sense of who they are, where they came from, and how they fit into this new place.

Disruptions
Because of the difficult nature of many of the issues these students face, it was hard to separate the disruptions I had from just the circumstances of these students. One that was difficult for me was something the English teacher said. She said that sometimes, the less you know about a students' circumstances and home life, the better. When she starts learning about their lives and their hardships, she's more likely to make excuses for them. She doesn't want to make excuses for them. That idea is so hard for me because I believe that knowing and understanding your students is important for being able to teach to their needs. But how do we get to know them if we don't come to understand their circumstances? How do we try to meet them where they are without compromising expectations?

Aspects of Class
So many of these stories deal with issues of language, culture, race, ethnicity, religion, poverty, and a mix of them all. The very first story is a great illustration of language issues. She's the only person who speaks her language at the school. She knows a little bit of English, but not enough to do much. She gets by with some gestures and finally gets to her first class. Her teacher gives her a paper with three columns: words I don't know, words I kind of know, words I know. She sits in class the whole period, unable to access anything that's happening. At the end of class, her paper is still blank. Eventually, every student gets to a point that they can understand things pretty will, but it's so difficult.

Teachers
I think this book has really just inspired me to to try my best with every student I have. There is always going to be things to complicate things, but it's so important to be truly invested in ones students.